Goodbye Cruel World
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There is always a method in my madness - not easily understood by some, but lots of somes don't understand much of anything.
The song suggests this could be a clown page, but the pig's head up there suggests otherwise. When in doubt always improvise - that's my philosophy. A good dash of imagination works wonders, too. Let me explain, then you will understand. This is a page about my going away speech at the English company where I was employed for five years. The speech was given by a real pig's head. 'Oh! I see,' they exclaim. 'You got to use some imagination to make everything 'match.'' Precisely.
I used to wander all around the town of Reading, Berkshire on my lunch breaks, investigating all the stores and shops. Many were fascinating, but the place I enjoyed most was a fancy butcher's shop right in the town center. I often strolled through the town in the morning before I went to work and was drawn to the butcher shop when I saw a delivery man carrying a whole butchered pig from his truck into the shop. During lunch I returned to that shop and had a good look around.
That butcher's shop truly captured my imagination. As soon as you entered the place you almost ran into a slaughtered deer hanging upside down - the fur still on it. There was ALWAYS one there every time I went in. And I always did the same thing - looked down the deer's butt to see the floor (rather juvenile, I agree, but I am still very much a brat).
The next thing one notices in the shop is the floor - with real sawdust on it. I suppose if slaughtered pigs and deer are being carried through the place, sawdust on the floor is required.
There was a long glass enclosed counter - like the deli section of a supermarket, but only half of it had meat on display. The other half of the counter had eggs. All kinds of eggs. Quail eggs, duck eggs, big goose eggs, and others.
My eyes were everywhere, then they looked up and saw the best thing in the shop. Attached to an overhead wooden beam was a pig's head. A real pig's head. I went back into that shop whenever I was near it and the butcher began to chat with me and answer my many questions. Especially about the pig's head that was always up there on the beam. When I asked what he done with the pig's head he said he sold them, of course. Right away I wished to know what he charged for them. Ten pounds, sterling was the price. The second question was why did people buy a pig's head? They were bought to boil and use as pet food, and some people even ate them.
I told the butcher I had a better use for the pig's and asked if he would sell me one just before I left my job and the country. He laughed and said 'sure.' Using a real pig's head to give a going away speech sounds rather demented, but I had to do something totally outlandish. After all of the many outlandish things I managed to accomplish (and get away with) it was expected by everyone from the 'Mad Yank.'
The going away speech went over much better than I planned. Very messy and lots of 'Ewwwwwwww's' and giggles from the dames as I held the pig's head up and let it give my speech. Thankfully one of the dames asked what I was going to do with the pig's head, that her doggie would love it - so I gave it to her, so all ended just great.
I will shortly tell you about the luncheons the company often treated us to in fancy restaurants, and after the first time of trying grilled trout, why I was never allowed to order trout again by those who dined with me. If you have never been to England, I would suggest you visit and discover all of the many fascinating and 'quaint' oddities - is something you will never forget. I had fun, fun, fun and thoroughly enjoyed it.
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Goodbye Cruel World
James Darren
Words and Music by Gloria Shayne
NOTE: Calliope sounds were vocals by writer Shayne!!
(Goodbye cruel world)
(Goodbye cruel world)
Oh, goodbye cruel world, I'm off to join the circus
Gonna be a broken-hearted clown
Paint my face with a good-for-nothin' smile
'cause a mean, fickle woman turned my whole world upside down
(Goodbye cruel world)
Farewell to love, I'm off to join the circus
Gotta find a way to hide my tears
Bet I'll have them rolling in the aisle
And I'll forget that woman if it takes a hundred years
Oh oh oh, step right up and take a look at a fool
He's got a heart as stubborn as a mule
C'mon everybody, he's good for a laugh
And no one could tell his heart is broken in half
Well, the joke's on me, I'm off to join the circus
Oh, Mr. Barnum, save a place for me
Shoot me out of a cannon, I don't care
Let the people point at me and stare
I'll tell the world that woman, wherever she may be
That mean, fickle woman made a cryin' clown outta me
(Goodbye cruel world)
Shoot me out of a cannon, I don't care
Let the people point at me and stare
I'll tell the world that woman, wherever she may be
That mean, fickle woman made a cryin' clown outta me
Goodbye cruel world
Goodbye cruel world
FADE
Goodbye cruel world
Goodbye cruel world
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